and i heard "i like kissing this and that of you"...

...well, THAT was a great f... uh... date.

a general malaise seems to have come over me...

... just woke up from sleeping all day long. i really thought i've learned the limitations of my body, but i guess i forgot that playing can be just as tiring as working.

it's fair if i state that i'm not interested in anything, right? i honestly have no interest in wasting my time and energy. but the curiosity... i've been good lately, so aren't i allowed one love em and leave em card?

robert browning will keep me company at work tomorrow.

i don't believe in lies. i believe in misleading truths.

a. i've spent the whole bloody weekend in heat and i'm exhausted.
b. being around children again reminded me about how much i very much dislike them. ugh, those slobbering pissy little creatures.
c. people need not to forget the difference between being good at something and actually liking something. i learned this in second year, and it's a fact that people often forget about when it comes to life and me as a person.
d. i don't understand guys who come back for sloppy seconds. buddy, i deleted your number for a reason.
e. why is the weekend over already. i do not feel rest at all.
f. blaaaaaaaaaaaargh i'm sticky.
g. reading kant.

"may i touch said he how much said she a lot said he why not said she"

i am in love with E E Cummings all over again. Reading him and fantasizing about JGL gets me through the day at work. lol.

it's been a busy week but an enjoyable one, i've accomplished a lot in my personal life (SEC, Dress for Best, seeing friends, tattoo etc). and i finally got my tax return yesterday. now i live like a king.

went vintage shopping with adrianna today. LOVE. we came out with bags full of clothes. i really needed to have some down time, since the insanity will continue tomorrow. nothing too reflective today, i'll leave being all introspective for uuuuh, maybe tuesday.

women without any wildness in them meet men who are just as tasteless as they are, and their love is an eager meaninglessness

shits gonna get real serious and i don't know how i feel about it...

... puuuull back, to keep my sanity. shit son, just chill and drink some lemonade. i am shamelessly trying to milk summer while i can, but i love the fall; it is my old lover that soothes.

my heart flutters still and it pisses me off, but it could be just my rage.

a crazy patch work of my random thoughts, and in all seriousness, i am that cute elephant hopping from one thing to another in my mind. i'm in a good place these days, doing whatever the fuck you want really helps.

it was me who was putting the biggest pressure on myself, and i changed that. i'm a different person every year, and it gives me hedonistic pleasure to know that i am changing.

on ne peut pas s’habiller comme on veut. Mais en plus on passe des heures à ne rien faire.

so sick of banal words, false gestures, all useless.

too many people talking about nothing, silence is underappreciated, it seems.

thank god i can be myself for the next three days.

being at work is being stuck in a lucid dream, but it is the consequence of the choice that i made and i half willingly give up on myself while i'm there. embracing it is better for my well being i figured. for now.

besides, once i'm off the clock, i don't remember anyways. then it's just me.

and it suffocates me even having to think about what's appropriate and what's not to wear. especially when i like being a little indecent in my attire at all times.



"don't you think i understand? the hopeless dream of being. not seeming but being. conscious at every moment. vigilant. at the same time the chasm between what you are to others and to yourself. the feeling of vertigo and the constant desire to be at last be exposed. to be seen through, cut down, perhaps even annihilated. every tone of voice is a lie, every gesture a falsehood, every smile a grimace. commit suicide? oh no. that's ugly. you don't do that. but you can be immobile, you can fall silent. then at least you don't lie. you can close yourself in, shut yourself off. then you don't have to play roles, show any faces or make false gestures. you think... but you see, reality is bloody minded. your hideout isn't watertight. Life seeps in everything. you're forced to react. no one asks if it's real or unreal, if you're true or false... I think you should maintain playing this role until it's played out. until it's no longer interesting. then you can leave it. just as you bit by bit leave all your other roles." - Ingmar Bergman's Persona

this man...

... makes me wet. i fancy him very much. well fit indeed.