love letters.

to my lover, i said:

I was waiting for the longest time,
as I listened to my shallow breaths in darkness
then there you were
and i knew there was no in between
when it is love

until my flesh and my soul mingled with yours,
i did not know that my heart which only knows how to complicate
could be so easily grasped
when I say that I have to go while my eyes beg for you to ask me to stay
you somehow already knew that i wanted to be saved.

your presence lingers and is pressed against me
it is what drapes over my mind and cozies upon my breast
it fiercely embraces me, but does not tame
and now i know that you’re the one that makes me feel
this and that, nothing and everything, from here to there

we are filled with surprise
i can hear your heart’s chatter through your green eyes
that speaks of love and longing
and it must be true
because i believe them


My lover said:

Right from the beginning
I think we've had that fire...
The kind that's hot enough
To bind a heart's desire.
And this desire is strong,
There's no mistaking this passion,
Stronger than all the douchebags,
Whose love they must ration.

Still sometimes, my love,
You make me use force,
To keep you from hopping away,
To keep you on course.
I do it for one reason
And one reason only,
That without each other,
We'd be ever so lonely...

Maybe I'd be more lonely,
Okay so maybe you,
Or maybe there's no maybe,
Or maybe I'm screwed.
Simply screwed up baby,
Thinking of you.
Maybe, baby, I'm crazy...
Yeah that's probably true.

But I'm in love with you,
Miss Jenny Choi.
Heart through and through
Mind simpler than a boy,
You must've noticed by now,
I'm really not that clever;
Without you, simplicity
Turns to endeavor.

Now after all this time we've spent,
Well I guess it's not that much...
At least relatively speaking anyway,
We fit nicely together and such.
We fit more like a frustrating puzzle,
With pieces missing, some long lost.
It doesn't matter though. It is what it is,
With these lines that we have crossed.

I can't get enough,
I can't sit still,
I can't quite breathe,
I can't get my fill,
And truly, baby,
I'd submit to your will.

winterchubbylicious.

so happy in love. hop hop hop hop.

you-with-me
around(me)you
IYou

sir, i beg your pardon.

so i decided to put off school til the summer. i'm not certain if i'm doing this because it'll make me happy, or if i'm doing this because i'm being cowardly. am i just going to waste another 5 months to avoid stress or am i just allowing myself sanity?

time. i want to foolishly believe that it's all i've got, but it will begin to turn against me soon, and i can feel it.

the contentment, the satisfaction derived of the stability and the ordinary will slowly fill my lungs and before i know it, i will watch the self that i knew slowly float away with a half smile and glazed eyes.

you're intoxicating. you got me crazy over you.

credit: lelove

i was waiting for
the
longest time
and then
you
were there
standing
in front of
me

let's give it another whirl, because i know exactly what will happen...

... and i want to take a different path with you, and when it is love, there is no in between.


you can say "shut your face" whenever i babble non sense, you can hold me when i am crying and burrowing in your hug, we can stare at eachother with smiles, we can kiss and touch, you can make me feel, we can do so many things together.

thanks, i had fun, take care, goodbye.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe.

i should run away when i can. or, foolishly go trust blindly off the fucking cliff to my demise. hmmmmm...

i feel... numb. I think i feel something else too, but i'm not sure what it is... do i feel hurt? angry? frustrated? it's hard to tell.


i don't think i want to feel right now.

i'm trying really hard to think positively though. damn, am i trying hard.

just spoke to Ingie, god it's so good to talk to her. she always knows... always.

so i'm not crazy, and i'm just going to talk to him about it. like a sane person does when in a healthy relationship.

My November Guest

My Sorrow, when she's here with me,
Thinks these dark days of autumn rain
Are beautiful as days can be;
She loves the bare, the withered tree;
She walked the sodden pasture lane.

Her pleasure will not let me stay.
She talks and I am fain to list:
She's glad the birds are gone away,
She's glad her simple worsted gray
Is silver now with clinging mist.

The desolate, deserted trees,
The faded earth, the heavy sky,
The beauties she so truly sees,
She thinks I have no eye for these,
And vexes me for reason why.

Not yesterday I learned to know
The love of bare November days
Before the coming of the snow,
But it were vain to tell her so,
And they are better for her praise.

Robert Frost


i wasn't ready for you.

i can never promise you anything and i know that some things will get in the way, but who are we to say that we know what's going to happen? all i know is that i want you with me, and the rest can be left to sweet denial and time.