my second first time.

you re write my memories, replace the mundane with magic.
only you can make me feel so good the way you do.
trails of candle light and your thoughts of me.
your lovefist in my knuckling thighs.
watching me and whispering, in your embrace.

food! in here!

i like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new a thing.

Muscles better and nerves more. I like your body. i like what it does, i like its hows. i like to feel the spine of your body and its bones, and the trembling - firm-smooth ness and which i will again and again and again kiss

open your mouth baby your lips feel too hot on my skin

... a new beginning, i thought i would cry but i didn't; just went on with my day. it's as if i am still not able to let myself believe. it's just been too long waiting, i guess. the waiting has drained me and it is a tired relief that i feel, instead of elation.

here i go!

i don't want to jinx it.

the 27th. then i'll know.

anyone else missing summer?

... i'm not nearly naked enough.

gaaaaaah, my evenings during the week are officially GONE. 3 phone calls later, i now have another student who i must teach; why do i have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach?

happy 4 months.

... you taste better to be than the strawberry cheesecake you bought for us. feeding me cake naked between kisses and taking a sweaty nap together after sex, he is the man of my wet dreams.

i see so much love when i look into his eyes and i hope that he sees the same when he looks into mine.

the lover is like me in so many ways, like how he closes up when he's upset, not wanting to burden anyone. and the poor thing only wants to give me his best; he has had a rough time in the past year (coincidentally before i came along) and quite frankly, i think he needs a bit of a break. But "you're my break," he says.

still can't believe i'm part of a stable relationship. i never thought i would have the privilege of being in one, but after many "adventures", here we are 4 months later.

gradual movement this week, the cough just will not go away. the cough syrup doesn't really help.

grandfather passed away today; i am thankful that he did not suffer. Even though i didn't get a chance to know him more since i moved here, i know that he was a gentle but caring husband and father. I am blessed that because of him, i have my mother who is very similar to him in spirit. The last request that he made was to be buried beside my grandmother when she passes away. A half century of love for each other. May he rest in peace.

You can have my heart or we can share it like the last slice...

...but ahhh, the things I’m willing to do for him,
I wish I could have a threesome with two of him,
I would sing a love song if I knew the words,
but I’ll be damned if another bitch do it first,
because you're the one, damn i think i see the sun
never do to another what we do one another
my darling baby.

this damn cough.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

-Robert Frost

why don't you come over here.

... you are the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

no fever today! this is progress. i think i might even venture outside tomorrow. wow, it would be exactly a week since i've been outside. will my legs quiver? will my lungs adjust to the fresh air?

what i'm spending my few awakened hours on:

http://theanticougar.wordpress.com/ - entertaining! i came across this blog while researching squirting/female ejaculation
http://www.ted.com - limitless talks that's educating and interesting. so easy to go through ALL of them (but i did not).

still very sick.

... always get sick this time of the year. it was exactly after NYE that i had that terrible flu last year, and the same holds true for 2011. Had a lovely holiday with the lover and friends.

nothing too eventful for the new year. oh, there was this needlessly dramatic 10 minute one way "conversation" with my mother that i refuse to acknowledge - she cried and practically told me that she thinks i'm behaving like a whore for sleeping over at my boyfriends house - while i stared at her blankly out of my feverish delirium. honestly, what century do we live in? all this time i thought that by having open conversations with her about my private life would make her a little more liberal in her thinking but when it comes down to it, in some people's minds, everything is black and white.