... reasoning locally is not one of them.
i think i would rather be an amoeba than do these bloody practice tests that i'm doing horribly on.
i have recently realized a fear that torments me even when i'm not conscious of it: entropy. this fear is somewhat both rational and irrational, but more of the former than the latter (at least i think so), because my past experiences have taught me that that's all it needs. one second, or not even that. even before you take a moment to gasp, entropy might have already fluttered in and out.
i've always felt that i needed to have control over the things that i could, and the easiest thing have always been myself.
but sometimes i don't trust myself completely either, because i feel like the thread that i nonchalantly pick at, will start unraveling everything, and that i will not stop pulling until it is all gone.
i don't know why, but i imagine that it would leave me feeling delirious faint, but satisfied.
always acting instead of reacting. I'm getting exhausted though and i know this because i notice something different about myself these days. i think I've reached my limit, and any hint of conflict or stress makes me want to run the other way and not deal with it at all.
maybe i should just start writing in here instead of my livejournal.
