... ate all weekend, went to bed at 11 drunk off of sparkling wine and woke up at 2:30. i can't get back to sleep... so i'm listening to some music, reading the manual to the sewing machine and still going through episodes of how i met your mother.
i'm going to the registrar today to sort out some school stuff, and within the next day or two, my student account balance will be at the green (not for long unfortunately, but still!)
i've been thinking about the future a lot. i've been trapped in this weird limbo, simultaneously living in the past, present, and the present; it was stressful. Now that i can afford to think about my past, all the shit that i've been ignoring all came back, forcing me to actually process everything instead of distracting myself so i don't get depressed. i also had the difficult task of coming up with a coherent narrative for the lover, so he can fill in all the blanks that he had about me.
anyways, i think SAW really did me good, being busy; this weekend (our 6 months anniversary weekend) was what really got me out of the funk though. i'm realizing that he is the one who encourages all the things that i always wanted to do, but always felt that i couldn't afford to do. not just financially, but emotionally as well. he makes me agree with cliches but in a good way (it almost seems wrong to saying this). i think we are both putting in a tremendous effort in trying to have a healthy relationship and to accept eachother for who we are, plus the baggage and the ugly stuff (even though he's probably doing the majority of the bulk when it comes to the latter).
oh my, i think i'm blabbing.
it's 6 in the morning and the sun hasn't come up. i'm confused.
